{Taking things in}

Lately I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with everything going on in my life.

During these times, I have experienced more joy then I thought was possible.

Everything seems to be winding down.

Finals are coming up.

We move in less then a month.

Zech is getting everything ready for his training this summer.

The kids are growing up WAY to fast.

We all caught the flu.

I became an independent beauty consultant for Mary Kay.

With everything going on I have decided to take a step back.

To examine what is most important in my life.

I have been spending all my free time away from the computer.

That way I can take in all the wonderful little moments everyday. 

And I have been blessed from doing this.

I have been able to really see a difference in my children.  

I am so grateful.

So there it is, the reason I haven't been online lately. 

Sorry, but I don't foresee  it changing anytime soon.

Until next time...

{A Year Gone By}

I decided today to finally sync my iPhone to my computer and upload the photos.  I hadn't realized that I have not done this the entire time I have owned the phone, almost a year!  So I finally took the time to sync it and while I was at it I got to take a stroll down memory lane.

I found over 500 pictures that we had taken dated back to when Josie was just two months old.  Here is a look back over her last year with us, camera phone style!

This year had been so crazy for us.  Lots of happy times and many many trials.  Josie has helped me get through all of these times.  She helped me through one of the hardest times of depression I have ever faced.  I am so lucky to have such a wonderful daughter.  I thank Heavenly Father every day for her.  My life wouldn't be complete without her.  Josie is the best baby anyone could ever ask for.  Her smile is contagious.  Her laugh brings happiness to everyone.  And her sweet spirit makes me examine my life a little harder and want to be better.  I love her and I am grateful that she calls me mama.

{I'm Sorry}

"I'm Sorry"

Two of the hardest words in the world to say.

Why is that anyway?

Aren't these the words that each of us want to hear?

Why do we long so much to hear them?

Why is it so hard to say them?

And what about forgiveness?  

Why is it so hard to forgive someone after they have said "I'm Sorry?"

Luckily Heavenly Father doesn't feel this way.

It's not hard for him to forgive.

I am so thankful for that.

The knowledge that he will always forgive, as long as I ask.

I'm thankful for repentance.

I'm thankful for my savior.

I'm thankful that he died so that I could be forgiven for my sins and weaknesses.

I'm just...thankful.

So as I go on I am going to try to say "I'm Sorry" more often.

And I'm going to try to forgive easily.

To not hold grudges.

I'm going to be like my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ.

I'm going to love unconditionally. 

{The Men in My Life}

I have been blessed with two wonderful men in my life.  One big, one small.  First the big...he is the best father in the world.  I  really mean that.  Even though he is super busy with school he makes time everyday to spend quality time with the kids and I.  He may not be top of his class but at the end of the day he is still a great father and husband.  And isn't that what is most important after all?   

Then there is my little man.  He has my heart and boy does he know it.  He shows me his sweet smile followed by a hug and a kiss and how could I possibly say no.  He loves to do whatever it is I am doing at the time.  He loves cars, books and has a new found love of playing games with daddy. 

I feel especially lucky to have them both in my life for eternity.  I can't help but smile when I see the two of them together.  

I love hearing Elai say "come on daddy, come on."

I love that Zech isn't afraid to make a fool out of himself for the sake of making sure the kids are having fun.

And I love knowing that Families Are Forever!

One of those days!

Today has been "one of those days."  You know the one that starts and nothing seems to go right.  Yep one of those.  I woke up this morning to a horrible headache that has been making it's appearance  every couple of days for the last three days.  The headache that makes you just wish you could go back to sleep or at least stay in bed all day.  Yes, that is how my day started off.  Next Elai woke up with the flu.  Yay  me, NOT.  I guess these sicknesses didn't realize I had things to do today.  So we canceled our plans and decided it would be an at home kind of day.  So it continued...

Well my day may have started out horrible but things sure changed quickly.  I realized I am supposed to be cooking a meal for a couple in our ward.  Well I couldn't possibly think of what I could make without having to leave the house and go to the store it finally hit me.  I would make some soup and some home made bread to go along with it.  My friend Bryton gave me a new wheat bread recipe that I am dying to try, so there it is I had my meal.  

I go and put Josie down for her morning nap and go into the kitchen to get started.  That's when I notice I have a little tag along.  So we get started.  Next thing we know Elai and I are dancing and laughing all around the kitchen.  It's moments like these that make be truly grateful to be able to stay at home with my children.  I mix up the bread and turn to Elai to find this...

I couldn't help but laugh.  I mean look how cute he is.  This little boy sure makes me smile.  How could I be mad?  I knew exactly what I had to do, start a flour fight.  And it was awesome!  

What started out a bad morning with a sick little boy has turned into a day of memories we will forever enjoy!

It's moments like this that make me stop and wonder why I am so blessed?  How did Heavenly Father know to send me this little boy??  How did he know that I needed Elai so much?

I love our moments like this and I can only pray that there will be many more to come. 

Josie is one!

(Josie's First Pony Tail)

Well it's official, my little girl is growing up.  On Thursday the 26th Miss Josie turned one year old.  It's hard to think about all the things that have happened in this last year.  We went from one child to two.  Having a newborn to having a little girl that chases around after her brother.

Elai and Josie are best friends.  I often hear Elai throughout the day saying, "Come on Josie, Come on." Then about 15 seconds later  I will see her following him into their bedroom.  When Josie cries Elai always tries to comfort her, sometimes that means he is telling me she is crying, trying to give her a bottle, taking a toy to her, or getting into her bed with her to play.

I have to admit when I was pregnant I had a lot of mixed feelings.  Feelings of excitement but also sorrow.  Sorrow for Elai.  I was afraid that he would feel forgotten.  Or that I wouldn't be able to divide my time between the two kids.  I wondered if I would be able to love Josie as much as I loved Elai.  So seeing just how much they love each other means the world to me.  I try my hardest to spend time with each child individually everyday.  Josie and I wake up an hour before Elai everyday for Mommy-daughter time, then she goes to sleep an hour before Elai so him and I can spend Mommy-son time.

Life is crazy with a one year old and an almost three year old.  I am so excited to think about all the fun things that are to come this year.  I'm looking forward to warm weather and picnics in the park.  Going on walks and  looking for treasures along the way.  Taking the kids swimming and camping.  Eating smores and having cookouts.

{Faith}

I love Sundays.  All week long I look forward to this day.  

The day I get to rest with my family.

The day I get to be spiritually edified, and that is exactly how I feel today.

What a blessing it is to have the gospel in my life.

Today in Sunday school I learned about faith:

- what faith is

-how to maintain

-how to grow

-how to exercise

As the teacher was giving this lesson, I thought about my own faith.

Lately I have been feeling that my spirituality has been lacking.  

Well NOT ANYMORE!

It's time I take charge of my life.

It's time I execute faith.

It's time I turn my life over to my Heavenly Father and do as he would have me do.

Truly Thankful

Today  I ran across a disturbing video of a drug intervention. 

It broke my heart to watch it.

It broke my heart even more to know that I too put my family through that.

It made me think of all the "could have beens."

And it made me thankful.

Thankful for sobriety.

Thankful for the disturbing image that changed my life forever.

Thankful that I have been true to the promises I made myself.

Thankful that I don't have the urge to use or drink.

Thankful that it has now been over seven years since I used drugs.

Thankful that it has been 5 years since I have had a drink. 



Life on the Farm

As summer is coming to an end I can't help but think about the wonderful time we spent in Montana. Yesterday as I was shucking corn that I had picked up from the farmers market my mind kept going back the the garden in Montana. Oh how I wish I had got to spend more time in that garden. It's funny how all your worries can disappear in such a place. Elai was very fond of it also. Especially when it came to the watering duties. He misses the "ladies" so much and asks me everyday if we can go see them to get the eggs. Our family grew so much there. Elai grew so much and really started talking. Josie went from sleeping all day to eating solid food. It's hard to believe that it has already been almost a month since we left. Everything is so different now. Instead of peace and serenity we are in a place that goes goes goes. Instead of dairy farms and mountains we have corn fields. And inplace of our families we have our ward family. Though things are sure different we couldn't imagine a better place to be.

I never thought I would say this but Montana definitely has a place in my heart.

Reflections

As I reflect on the things in my life I feel truly blessed, especially for...

my family.

Randoms

As I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself that I can't seem to get comfortable enough to go to sleep it dawned on me just how lucky I am. I am able to carry children. I have true love in my life. I have a wonderful husband that works so hard so I can stay at home and watch the kids grow. He cooks me dinner when I'm tired. I have a warm place that I call home and an abundance of food in the cupboards. I have friends and family that care deeply about me, that call me just to say hello. I have all kinds of kitchen and craft toys to play with. I know the gospel is true. I know my father loves me. I have a savior who payed the ultimate price for me. I would be ungrateful to sit here and sulk knowing that some people don't have these things.